Imagine That: Using Imagination to Reduce Anxiety and Heal Attachment Wounding
If I asked you to close your eyes, take a deep breath, and let your mind take you to a place that you feel calm, relaxed, and connected, where would you go? Perhaps it’s a place in nature, somewhere you’ve been before. Or perhaps it’s a place that you can perceive so vividly that your sensorial experience leads your body to respond as if you were actually there. What if we learned that the implications of imagination aren’t just limited to daydreaming at the office, and that this skill can be used for much more than transporting us from paperclips to pina-colada paradise?
The Power of Imagination:
Lately my practice has been significantly influenced by how imagination can be used to help clients experience the embodiment of safety as a way to cope with the physiological distress that comes up when discussing traumatic experiences in sessions. Moreover, practicing summoning feelings of safety in the body can be called upon outside of sessions, when people are faced with the overwhelming physiological sensations associated with depression, anxiety, and post-traumatic stress.
I remember being in graduate school and learning about a study that showed that participants believed that a hill appeared 10-20% less steep when people were accompanied by a friend while standing at the base. Now, are you ready for the kicker? The study also showed that having people simply THINK of a supportive person led participants perceive the hill as 10-20% less steep. Not only did the mere summoning of the friend figure in someone’s mind cause the perception of the difficulty of climbing the hill to decrease, but the slant of the hill was further lowered when the relationship with the figure was perceived as close, warm, and non-judgmental. What this shows is that when we feel, in our bodies, the support of people in our lives, we start to see life’s challenges as manageable, and the proverbial “hill” becomes surmountable.
Humans as Social Creatures:
While we humans may like to think of ourselves as “special”, the pinnacle of evolution, the center of all things, the truth is we have fundamental needs that, if unfulfilled, succumb us to significant vulnerability. While we may like to think we can go at life alone, especially in a society that promotes competition and individualism, we are wired as bonding mammals and are meant to live and support one another in community.
In his famous “Hierarchy of Human Needs”, Maslow characterizes the need for “love and belonging” as coming directly above the need for “safety” (protection from the elements, stability, and freedom from fear). At the same time, attachment research shows us that the single most influential protective factor that predicts resilience in the face of difficult life challenges is loving/nurturing relationships. Life is about much more than having our instrumental needs met. We learned the harrowing effects that social isolation can have on the brain in the examination of how children in Romanian orphanages developed. While the material needs of the children were met (they were fed, diapered, and bathed), the fundamental need for soothing and bonding were neglected, leading to devastating outcomes for these children.
While severe childhood neglect is on one extreme end of a very broad spectrum, no one leaves this life unscathed, and we all need nurturing and protective supports to help us bounce back from adverse experiences. In the course of life everyone will invariably experience the death of a loved one, the ending of a relationship, the loss of a job, or feelings of isolation and failure – all which have the ability to significantly impact the nervous system’s ability to regulate and, in turn, feel safe.
So – how can imagination and “summoning” feelings of safety be helpful, you ask?
This article isn’t to say that imagining a loved one can replace the existence of that experience in real life. However, I see many clients who have loving relationships in their lives, but who are so disconnected from their bodies in a way that makes it impossible to experience the love, protection, and nurturance of these figures in their lives.
There is a saying that “the brain is like Velcro for negative experiences, but Teflon for positive ones”. This is especially true when mental health challenges like depression, anxiety, and PTSD affect the body with experiences that detract from the ability to think in a balanced way. Indeed, it’s hard to think “rationally” about something when you have a quickly beating heart, sweaty palms, and a sinking feeling in your stomach.
This gives therapists the opportunity to “practice” experiences of safety in sessions, and I’ve been using the following resources in order to help clients do this, as outlined in Laurel Parnell’s fascinating book, “Attachment-Focused EMDR”.
In the book, she instructs therapists to slow down and tune in with clients by helping them imagine the following, by using all of their senses:
a safe/peaceful place
a nurturing figure/symbol
a protector figure/symbol
a wise figure/symbol
My training has led me to spend quite a bit of time with clients in order to help them fully access what it feels like to be at peace in their bodies, and to be nurtured and protected by others, with the knowledge that these experiences require slowing down and moving out of the cognitive sphere. Perhaps safety is experienced as the shoulders melting down the back, and the jaw slackening. A protector figure may give the experience of a “lift” in the chest, or the encompassing feeling of a hug.
It is true that some clients come to therapy as a means of beginning to learn about what it means to feel these qualities in the body, and a “figure” or person in their lives isn’t always easily accessible. When this happens, a “symbol” can be chosen - something that represents what it may be like to feel those feelings in the body. This can include the feelings that are elicited when reading a poem (say, by a poet like the queen of nature, Mary Oliver), or a feeling that is felt when a religious figure is summoned into the mind.
Once these feelings are elicited in the body, the body gets to spend time in this state, which can’t be accessed by merely talking about it. This then resources the body to be able to respond to life’s stressors, whether by taking in the support of loved ones that are already there or by beginning to learn what the body can feel like when connected in a secure relationship.
So there you have it – I hope that this article has inspired you to let your imagination wander, and that you, too, have access to this place inside of you that can help you face all of life’s challenges, whatever they may be